Last week of second trimester! Whaddup! Okay, can we talk about crying this week? I believe I’ve mentioned it before but I realize it has not been mentioned enough to match just how big a part it has played in my pregnancy. Especially lately.
First of all, I’m not sad. And I’m not stressed or under any pressure, so I really shouldn’t have a reason to cry. But I do. And it comes just as naturally and frequently as if it were a simple natural need. Like my body just has more to get out of its system than usual. It usually happens about once a week. I feel it coming. Usually I have a day of more hormonal activity. I get frustrated or irritated, until my mood makes me feel so bad about myself and sorry that I have been frustrated with Marcus that I just break down in tears.
Either that, or at times I have also been pushed to tears by utter exhaustion – usually from walking very far. That happened just yesterday when we went power shopping in Park City. ‘Power shopping’ is not the right word.. but we walked around for hours! In the end I just collapsed mentally and couldn’t keep it up any longer. I sat and cried in the car for half an hour before we could get on with our lives.
But again, I’m really not sad. It just needs to come out. It scared Marcus pretty bad in the beginning, because he thought it was his fault. After a few times we made a deal that I would tell him as soon as I could whether I was sad about something or if it was just hormones. And the last few months that has really been necessary. Because lately I don’t just cry… but I really bawl (in Marcus’ words:) “like you just found out that your entire family had been killed”. It gets pretty bad. And it goes on for up to an hour sometimes. Yes, I’ve turned into a pretty scary person.
But Marcus has been such a good sport. After getting used to the fact that I just need it out and that it can be neither stopped or rushed, he has fallen into the perfect rhythm of comforting and just holding me till it’s over. And really that’s all I need. I’m only just starting to realize all the grief I’ve put him through, being constantly sick and inconsolable for months, and now this. He still surprises me every day with just how good he is at being a husband. I can only trust that he is going to be an equally amazing father.
Apart from Mommy having to cry for two hormonal girls, Baby is doing good. She has been awfully energetic lately – or maybe she’s just getting bigger and stronger. Sometimes it feels like she both kicks both her legs and punches with both hands on my insides at the same time, which only sparks my imagination even more that she’s feeling claustrophobic and wants to get out. Hang in there, Baby!
She’s supposed to be the size of a .. rutabaga – what the heck is…? and about 35 cm. She weighs about 1100 g now! I’m literally carrying more than a liter of milk around on my belly all day. Huh! Bring on the third trimester! We’ll cry about it but we’re ready!