Update

33 weeks pregnant

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The hard days are over! Marcus came home a few days ago and we’re both in Stockholm on vacation with his family.

This means the last week has been full of Daddy’s oohs and aahs at how big my belly has gotten, how much and how hard she kicks and the all over again realization that it’s so soon.

Especially since I had my baby shower this week. My sweet aunt and cousins threw it and it was such a fun night. The weather was so nice and we had fruit, ice cream and pink cake pops! Well the point is I got a lot of really cute baby girl clothes and throughout the night I could tell that for each new present I opened and each new cute little item falling into my lap I started picturing holding a little baby in those clothes and thinking about which outfit to put her in to go home from the hospital and which to put her in on her first Sunday in church and which she’ll be wearing when I nurse her in the middle of the night.

Well so far I’ve gotten my baby equipment pretty much sorted. I’ve got to borrow a cute little crib – so cute, CUTE! – and a stroller – the kind with a bassinet. That’s just about as close I’ll get to designing a nursery in this round. But I’m excited to get back, move into our apartment in Aalborg and make do with what I have! Being poor students is pretty fun!

Baby girl – whose name is still pretty much unknown – weighs a little more than 2 kg by now and I can’t believe she won’t get much longer before she’s ready to come out!

Baby is almost fully baked!

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My baby shower souvenir: a baby picture of myself. Look how fat..! Hope (hope hope hope!) that my baby will be just as plump!

 

32 weeks pregnant

photo (4),I had another ultrasound this week! Sorry folks, no pictures this time, but she looked so good! The doctor let me see her heart, lungs, kidneys, skull, major bones etc.. and everything looked intact and exactly like it should. Again, I’m addicted to doctors telling me that my baby is okay!

Also, she is a little small – not too small – but just a little to the cute side. This of course made Mama happy, as that means she might not have to provide as big an exit for baby in a couple of months. Yes, when it really hurts I’ll just keep telling myself that. “She could’ve been bigger! She could’ve been bigger!” … that’ll help for sure!

The doc was even kind enough to let me see her little face in 3D real quick. So I can now testify that she does not have the gigantuous lips and beaky nose she sort of seems to have on the sonogram I put up at week 21. She has the cutest little face – looked a little grumpy though, but I can’t blame her. I wouldn’t be too happy being squashed up between hips and ribs in dark water. Hang in there baby!

As for Mama I’m doing good too. This week I think I’ve come one tiny step closer to understanding that I’ll have a baby pretty soon. If she comes early it may even just be a month?! And I could not be more excited!!

Contractions! You don’t scare me! …. In the mean time, pass the ice chips and the fan, please!

31 weeks pregnant

o-maticTime is almost up.

Well.. not quite but I really feel almost done. I keep dreaming about going into labor and the baby feels as real as ever. In my head she could be coming in just a few weeks.

Intuition? I hope not, cause I’ve planned a three week vacation in Stockholm.

I’ve had a few really busy weeks with not much time reserved for blogging, but by next week I should be back on track.

Lately anything tires me out – even sitting up – and I have to go lie down somewhere for a bit.  Also, I have officially started waddling. I constantly feel off balance and though I try hard not to, I find myself leaning backwards to even out the weight on my front side. I feel pretty big and clumsy but I try to imagine that I just look cute. … Right?

I’ve always romanticized pregnancy growing up and have always found it hard to believe when women reached that point when they “just want the baby out!”. Like, why end the idyllic experience of being beautifully pregnant early? But I have to admit that I’m starting to get there. I’m getting more and more excited about starting to exercise and to get back into shape. Oh just being able to run around and be active without feeling like I’m about to pass out. Being able to move however I want whenever I want. And when my body is back to normal, being just mine. When I can trust it to act the way it usually does and when I can take a real proper deep breath and when i can go to bed not having to worry about falling asleep fast enough so I won’t get hungry again. I can also imagine how it might feel a little lonely when there isn’t someone to nudge you whenever you move or someone always around to listen to your voice.

But wearing the baby on the outside instead of the inside sure sounds appealing. I just can’t wait!

The most frequent question I get asked these days is “How do you feel about giving birth?” or “Are you nervous about labor?” closely followed by a long speech about how there’s no need to worry and that it’s just a wonderful experience.

But people, in all honesty, I am not nervous at all. On the contrary I am out of my mind excited to get on with it! For one thing I see no reason to waste my energy being worried about something that women have been going through forever. Even if something goes wrong I’ll worry about that when I know about it. On the other hand, I can’t describe in words how excited I am to meet my baby. I definitely have times when I wonder if I’ll look back in longing on the time that it was just me and Marcus with no one to take care of. But I also feel like it’s so right for us. That as soon as she’s in my arms I will want nothing but to love and take care of her.

And I can’t really imagine a better feeling than that.

30 weeks pregnant

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30 weeks! I reached the 30s! 10 weeks left! Woohoo and yay!

Anyway.. do you know that feeling when you suddenly feel like you have absolutely nothing to say? That’s how I feel right now… not even anything to ramble about.

Why do I write the blog post now, you may ask. Well, the thing is I’ve been insanely busy this week and will be this weekend too, so I’m cornered – in this tiny space of time between Friday and Saturday.

So I have no idea what’s gonna come out. — Brace yourselves!

 

Oh I actually just remembered one thing I forgot to put in the cloud this week.

Contractions!

Already now! Had no idea this was gonna happen and that it is perfectly normal and expected. They’re not worse than normal period pain, but they definitely make me wake up. I guess, it’s kinda cool to get to sample what the real contractions are gonna feel like – however in a milder form.

I’m gonna try doing a little experiment. The other day I had a conversation with my mom about the difference between pressure and pain. My mom is pretty cool when it comes to pain. She grits her teeth and screams on the inside – not the outside. She’s pretty cool. But I figure that one way to keep your head during labor might be just that. Understanding that your body is under pressure and not pain. To not give in to the insanity your body is experiencing – not let the agony take over your mind. But to understand the feelings in your body and work with them instead.

I don’t know.. those of you who have gone through child birth already may be shaking your heads at me right now..

But I thought I’d share the thought.

In any case I figure pressure is better than pain.

I keep noticing more stretch marks below the belt, especially on my thighs – but nothing on my tummy yet – thank goodness! Probably won’t keep that up though.

I can tell that my body needs a lot more rest than before. I still try to exercise a little every day, but it’s definitely getting harder and I can’t go on for as long anymore before I get extremely dizzy and my legs start buckling. I still try to only eat when I’m hungry (which is still most of the time btw) and to avoid the urge of going back to the fridge to just have a little something, now that I’m more routined in the only eating small frequent meals -thing.

Oh and I’ve started to sleep a lot better too! But this may be due to the fact that I wake up in the middle of every night to talk to Marcus when he gets off work. Tired. All. The. Time.

Well look at that! Looks like I had something to say anyway!

Well, Baby seems to be doing great. At least she’s kicking and moving around a LOT. Sometimes so much I’m afraid I’ll get sea sick.

Hoping I’ll get to experience baby hiccups soon!

29 weeks pregnant

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This pregnancy is going by so fast!

I know I’ve said it before but this week, again, I feel like I feel REALLY pregnant for the first time. As in table-top belly, comfortable shoes, huffing and puffing to get out of chairs, “I’m gonna go lie down and rest for a bit”, belly-button visible through every top (yes, it happened), sitting like a man -kind of pregnant.

Also had an appointment with my midwife this week. Seriously, I feel addicted to hearing doctors telling me that everything sounds and looks like it’s supposed to. Makes me want to cry every time!

I really can’t hide it anymore. Sometimes I almost feel a little like Harry Potter. — you now, people look at my belly before they look at my face.. And I really can’t get used to all the spontaneous belly patting from people. Is there some unspoken rule that it’s okay to trespass on someone’s personal space and touch their body instead of the usual shaking their hand just because they’re pregnant?

I’m confused.

– but a little intrigued by the thought that maybe that allows me to touch everyone else’s tummy back!

Oh my goodness, Baby is growing fast! And she’s moving around A LOT! No one told me I would be able to actually feel her body under my skin! On Tuesday my midwife felt my tummy and was able to tell me where her butt, legs and head were. Ever since then I’ve made it my personal mission to learn to be as cool as her. But it’s proving a bit difficult. So if you ever see me massaging my belly with my tongue sticking out and a concentrated look on my face, it’s just because I’m trying to figure out if that lump is a butt or a face. – Sorry Baby!

I have decided to define the way I feel as being of no age. I feel like an old person all the time, having to wear comfy shoes so my feet don’t get too pressured and having to sit down all the time. And even if I sit down for too long my back will start hurting as much as if I had stayed on my feet. Ergo, I actually have to go lie down and rest every day. Guess I shouldn’t sound so surprised.

Also, I feel like a little child, restless and buzzing with this unexpected energy that pops up whenever I remain seated for too long, urging me to get up and walk around, pick up my phone, may as well go pee, wasn’t my tummy itching earlier? maybe I could do that with my hands. – definitely makes it complicated to fall asleep sometimes.

But then when I sleep.. I SLEEP! And it seems there’s no point to where I could sleep and actually wake up energized. I could go back to bed anytime.

I know I talk a lot about stuff like this, but all in all I feel like this pregnancy is really going a lot easier than I expected. Apart from my introductory two months of morning sickness I’ve felt pretty great.

Hope I didn’t just jinx it!

Anywho! That was the blabbering for this week. Can’t believe there’s only 10 weeks left! – hopefully less!

28 weeks pregnant

 

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Third trimester!!

What the…! It’s almost over! It seems I’ll have a baby before I know it.

A baby!

For me! My own… it is so surreal.

And I’m back in Denmark – in this case, meaning that I can get any food I feel like! The thing is it’s been a little bit of a let down. After my experience with ice and amazing smells, I thought Danish pastries might trigger the same kind of craving. But no. Don’t get me wrong, they were of course amazing, but not to die for.

However, other things have started to pop up. Very unexpected things. Things that aren’t food nor smells. Like vacuuming… the other night my mom took out the vacuum cleaner to go on a regular spider hunt around the house – on my little sister’s request. (Spiders don’t get crazy big in Denmark or anything… well, unless you don’t catch them when they’re small) And, well… she turned it on and instantly I was smitten. I don’t know why… I remember growing up I’ve always loved that warm smell the fan blew out of the top. Maybe that’s it? Or it’s the feeling I get when I see a floor getting cleaner instantly. Because lately I’ve also gotten the same feeling when I brush my teeth. When I scrub them clean. Scrub by scrub. Until they are all nice and good smelling.

I don’t know! Just know that I have a crazy urge to vacuum.

Ooh! Maybe vacuuming my parent’s new car (awesome smell!) would be fun!

Seriously, the way I react to smells around me now and the way they make me feel, makes me want to never stop being pregnant.

… I hope I’ll learn to love my baby as much.

On the more negative side I’m also experiencing heartburn for real now. I’ve had it before, but not enough to complain about or even consider a symptom. But this last week has sucked because of it. I only get i for about an hour or two at a time, but it’s gross when all your food and drinks seem to taste the same. Like acid.

Baby is certainly starting to draw a lot of attention to herself. She feels so big/strong now that it seems that instead of just kicking or punching she’ll annoyingly give long outward pushes. Just push and push until I finally push back. Huh, maybe she’s waiting for a high-five?

27 weeks pregnant

jklähLast week of second trimester! Whaddup! Okay, can we talk about crying this week? I believe I’ve mentioned it before but I realize it has not been mentioned enough to match just how big a part it has played in my pregnancy. Especially lately.

First of all, I’m not sad. And I’m not stressed or under any pressure, so I really shouldn’t have a reason to cry. But I do. And it comes just as naturally and frequently as if it were a simple natural need. Like my body just has more to get out of its system than usual. It usually happens about once a week. I feel it coming. Usually I have a day of more hormonal activity. I get frustrated or irritated, until my mood makes me feel so bad about myself and sorry that I have been frustrated with Marcus that I just break down in tears.

Either that, or at times I have also been pushed to tears by utter exhaustion – usually from walking very far. That happened just yesterday when we went power shopping in Park City. ‘Power shopping’ is not the right word.. but we walked around for hours! In the end I just collapsed mentally and couldn’t keep it up any longer. I sat and cried in the car for half an hour before we could get on with our lives.

But again, I’m really not sad. It just needs to come out. It scared Marcus pretty bad in the beginning, because he thought it was his fault. After a few times we made a deal that I would tell him as soon as I could whether I was sad about something or if it was just hormones. And the last few months that has really been necessary.  Because lately I don’t just cry… but I really bawl (in Marcus’ words:) “like you just found out that your entire family had been killed”. It gets pretty bad. And it goes on for up to an hour sometimes. Yes, I’ve turned into a pretty scary person.

But Marcus has been such a good sport. After getting used to the fact that I just need it out and that it can be neither stopped or rushed, he has fallen into the perfect rhythm of comforting and just holding me till it’s over. And really that’s all I need. I’m only just starting to realize all the grief I’ve put him through, being constantly sick and inconsolable for months, and now this. He still surprises me every day with just how good he is at being a husband. I can only trust that he is going to be an equally amazing father.

Apart from Mommy having to cry for two hormonal girls, Baby is doing good. She has been awfully energetic lately – or maybe she’s just getting bigger and stronger. Sometimes it feels like she both kicks both her legs and punches with both hands on my insides at the same time, which only sparks my imagination even more that she’s feeling claustrophobic and wants to get out. Hang in there, Baby!

She’s supposed to be the size of a .. rutabaga – what the heck is…? and about 35 cm. She weighs about 1100 g now! I’m literally carrying more than a liter of milk around on my belly all day. Huh! Bring on the third trimester! We’ll cry about it but we’re ready!

26 weeks pregnant

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Sigh… it happened.

So for the past 6 months I’ve dreaded but expected becoming a big white pregnant whale with swollen ankles, feet and .. swollen everywhere, I guess. Especially since we found out we’re having a girl, I have seen it written in people’s eyes – the common suspicion that women carrying girls will not only grow a big tummy but will also grow generally wider.

But during my first trimester I lost weight and still looked slim with a big belly when I started showing. I got hopeful. Maybe I could make it through the full 9 months this way! I started looking up things I could do to prevent swelling. I made sure I moved around and went on walks every day and that I kept my feet up whenever I sat down.

But then this week I was sitting in my living room with my grandma after a nice long day in the sun. We were talking about how my pregnancy was doing when she suddenly asked whether I had noticed if my ankles and feet were swelling up a little yet. I started to wave off her question but figured I may as well take a look. And, oh dear, they were. Not a ton, but definitely bigger than my ankles and feet had ever been. My immediate reaction was, what did I do wrong??!

It took a while for me to calm down and realize this was only to be expected and was probably inevitable. Just 10 minutes later I asked my mom for her phone so I could see the pictures we had taken that day. I came across a picture of a group picture with myself in it and I couldn’t suppress a small whimper. I looked huge. It was not just my feet. I didn’t even allow myself the hope of thinking it might just be a bad picture. The day had come. And there was nothing I could do about it.

(I’m still debating whether or not to put the picture in the post, but I think I’ll spare myself the embarrassment of the thought of all of you studying my newfound plumpness. Though I know you have the best of intentions, of course.)

Goodness! That was week 26!

25 weeks pregnant

o-maticBaby Girl is jumping around inside. Wonder if she knows I’m talking about her. Marcus keeps reminding me that he wants me to tell him every single time I feel her move – this was all fine and good a few weeks ago, but now I can feel her aaall the time! The coolest is when I feel her little head turning and twisting under my hand.

I’m sitting here writing while putting up a brave fight to keep my eyes open – not quite ready to face the cleaning party I had planned for today.

Going to bed has not exactly been something I’ve looked much forward to this week. Despite the irony of constantly feeling tired I have just not been able to actually bring myself to falling asleep. I lie awake hours after my man has drifted off with nothing to count but the times my bladder manage to fill up again and again. So my mind wanders. I think of just about everything… (more…)

24 weeks pregnant

o-maticDid I stop growing? I feel like my belly has looked pretty much the same in the last 4 pictures. Waiting for the next growth spurt.

So you may notice that there’s a lot about smells in the cloud this week. If you have been pregnant before you may not be as surprised as me. I thought pregnancy was all about craving donuts and cheese puffs! So here I was waiting for some weird food craving to set in when a package of new shoes came that my mom had ordered to our house. Being the good daughter that I am, I (more…)