The city has for a while been full of reminders that Irish Mother’s Day is coming up next week.
So happy early Mother’s Day Ireland!
1// Remember who you are
This is what my own mom would say every day when we left for school. Remember who you are is still a phrase that I give a lot of thought to as an adult. Remember that you are loved. Remember that you are valued. Remember your principles. Remember your talents. Remember where you come from. Remember your dreams.
It meant a lot to me that my mother thought it important that I keep all those things in mind throughout even the most regular boring days. I think that it is during the uneventful unchallenging times of our life that our true selves are revealed. (more…)
I made it! We made it! My four weeks of working full-time are over!
Almost two months ago we moved our family back to Stockholm, Sweden where we were married and began our life together. Marcus had just gotten his first post-college job, we had gotten an apartment and we were facing a few months of the hard transitioning from student loans and practically backpacking to finally settling down. It doesn’t sound that hard. But what with moving costs, deposit, buying furniture and all the extra knick-knack such as dishwasher salt, toilet brushes and the likes, it slowly amounts to quite a lot.
So evidently and inevitably, I needed to take a job to help balance our economy. And I wasn’t too excited about it. It’s not that I hate working, but I really had a hard time accepting that I’d have to turn over my baby to someone else during the day, even though it would only have to be for a short period.
I applied for and got a short-term local cleaning job. It was close and it was only four weeks. It was perfect. We worked it out with Marcus’ family to help babysit. We were all set.
The first day was not fun but after that it was surprisingly easy. I left Baby in the morning and came back home, and Baby didn’t really seem to care too much. I really came to like my job and my colleagues. It became a routine. And the month went by quickly.
And yet I hope I’ll never ever have to do it again.
It has definitely been refreshing to have more time to myself and I’m sure if you turn it some certain way you could argue that it’s been healthy for Baby too. But these four weeks have only motivated me to work even harder to avoid ever having to leave my child for a job ever again.
Can I be bold and share some of my reasons?
I took her for granted
The first thing I noticed that was different after I’d started working was how accustomed I’d become to the fact that I only had to take care of my daughter for a few hours every day. On weekends I noticed that I got impatient with her and caught myself counting how many hours were left before I could put her in bed. I’d become used to someone else dealing with the annoying things. Changing her stinky diapers, feeding her when she didn’t want to eat, making her fall asleep and even just giving her my full attention when really I had other things to do. It made me feel really sad that I was considering her a chore rather than a privilege.
And I didn’t really, but subconsciously something had changed.
It scared me once I realized. I don’t want to give myself reason to be annoyed with my kids – especially when it’s not at all their fault.
Frankly, I’m in awe at how so many mothers can work full-time, be the mother of multiple kids and run a home at the same time. The other day I cleaned the bathroom after work. Between having dinner, putting Baby in bed and cleaning up after dinner. I felt so accomplished!
For two years now we’ve moved from one sublet to another. None of the furniture was ours and even when we cleaned it up really nice it still didn’t feel like home. It’s my dream to be able to be in charge of making our apartment feel like home for my family. To make sure it’s nice and clean with dinner on the table when Marcus gets home. Creating a space where it’s easy for my family to feel happy. I think everyone deserves a home like that – and I realize now that it takes a lot of time and energy. If I can provide that service for my family, I’d consider it one of my most prestigious duties.
It didn’t make sense
Probably the weirdest part in all of this was figuring out the babysitting. It seemed so silly to me that I was handing over my full-time job (Baby) to someone else so I could go do a different less meaningful full-time job. I was looking for someone to do a job for me that no one in the world could do as good as I could. I was getting a job because I needed money, but I’d have to pay some of that money to have someone else take care of my child. My child, my first priority and most important job.
I don’t know. It just felt weird. And pointless.
It just felt unnatural
Last but not least, I just wanted to be with my baby. The night before my first day I cried myself to sleep. I kept picturing her confused face as I turned around and walked out the door. I truly truly did not want to leave her.
Although I completely trusted my babysitters, it hurt to know that someone else was rocking her to sleep, feeding her, practicing walking with her, playing with her. That I wasn’t there.
And isn’t that enough? Isn’t simply wanting to a good enough reason to stay at home?
I know that some people don’t have a choice. They just need two incomes. I completely understand – that’s why I just took a job. And I’m just counting my lucky stars now that I don’t need to work full-time right now. I may need to again in the future. But boy, am I gonna try my best to avoid it. Working from home, lowering our costs – anything.
And I really like my job and my colleagues – I’m happy that I can still work evening shifts. I just felt like I was in the wrong place. That I was needed way more in my home. That I could even contribute more to society in my home. By raising a strong family. It weirded me out that somehow someone might think I was being lazy for wanting to work full-time. For choosing my family over a job or a career.
And am I lazy? For wanting to be a stay-at-home-mom? For wanting to be the one who teaches my kids their first words, teaches them to walk. For wanting to be there when they come home from school. For wanting to raise my kids by example and not by theory. For wanting to provide a home where my kids can always find me. Can I be a little cheesy and add, where my kids can come home to the smell of freshly baked bread and private piano lessons by their mom? Is that really too weird?
I remember friends staring at me in awe when I told them I was getting married. At 21. To a guy none of them had even had the time to meet yet. Most of them didn’t even know I had a boyfriend. And then the sigh, or scoff. They didn’t think they’d ever find someone they’d want to tie that tight of a knot with. How could I have found my special someone so fast? A best friend whom I loved more than anyone else and with whom I was positive I wanted to spend the rest of my existence.
Well, I guess it all depends on what you’re looking for. A best friend? That’s always a good pointer. What does that mean though?
Can I admit something? I’m not sure a lot of people know this. I mean really know this.
Marcus and I don’t have tons of things in common.
Seriously. We don’t. We don’t really listen to the same kind of music. We don’t always think the same movies are funny. He likes trying new flavors, I stick to chocolate (always). He’s more trendy, I’m more classic. He likes big crowds, I prefer small groups. He likes to sleep in, I like an early start. We’re actually very different people. Well, especially when we first met.
It took a while for me to really warm up to Marcus. Our first week dating I remember being worried that I was wasting my time with a guy that I clearly didn’t have enough in common with. He was a wonderful guy and I loved talking and being with him, but I just couldn’t see how we’d become the couple sitting in the couch laughing our heads off at an inside joke on a Tuesday night just because we had each other.
I remember one night in particular. We had gone for a walk together and had ended up sitting in the sand by a lake on an evening in July. I especially remember the insane amount of mosquitos. Anyway, I was feeling guilty and ended up admitting to Marcus my worries. I held my breath. Instead of freaking out or getting sad he told me that he’d had the same thoughts. Immediately I felt relieved but hung my head because I was worried that this was it. And so I braced myself for a break-up talk.
It didn’t come. Instead, Marcus picked up a twig and started drawing lines in the sand. He explained to me that he’d made up a sort of score board, and that only three things mattered to him:
Friendship – Did I seem like the type of girl he could be best friends with. And not just now in our 20s but for life. Could we still be best friends in 50, 60, 100 years? Did he enjoy my company that much? Could he talk to me about anything at all? Did he want to talk to me about anything at all? Did he feel like I really listened to him? Did he enjoy really listening to me? Did he like me enough to learn to love me in the future?
Aspiration – Did we see ourselves in a similar situation in 10 years? Did we want the same kind of family? Did we want the same kind of life for our family? Did we share the same faith? Was that faith as big a part of each of our lives? Did we want to build our family on the same sort of principles and values? Did we have similar ambitious goals for our future family? Did he like the idea of the life and family we could potentially have together?
Attraction – Did he find me attractive? Inward and outward. Did he want to be with me? Did he actually want to make our relationship work? Was he willing to make sacrifices for it?
He looked up. He said that I got full marks on that score board. Of that he wasn’t in doubt at all. And that everything else could fall into place later. After all, we had only just started dating.
About 9 months later we were married. It’s kind of a blur since everything happened so fast. But that night is one of the significant moments that I remember very well during our dating process. Because I knew he was right.
Sure, I could’ve probably said nope and gone out and found some other guy who liked chocolate cake and Harry Potter as much as I do. Or at least more than Marcus. But man, if I’m dead honest – no grey areas or second thoughts – I think I’d have to look for many many years to find another guy who spot on wanted the same life and family as I want. And even made me more excited about my own hopes and dreams than I was in the first place!
I’ll admit it. I kept dating Marcus because I was blindly in love with the life we would have together and the father he would some day be. But now that we are actually living that life, we laugh at tons of inside jokes every day, and I can watch my daughter crawl eagerly to the front door when he gets home from work, I am so happy I didn’t go find a new relationship to base on a meaningless crush.
So no, I don’t think you need to have tons of things in common. Actually, in some ways I think differences can be a blessing. Because they give you so many opportunities to make sacrifices for each other and thereby to demonstrate your love for one another. Once Marcus brought home a 1000-piece puzzle and suggested we put on a movie and put it together after dinner. I’ve rarely felt that cherished and appreciated. Not just because I love doing puzzles, but because I know how much Marcus hates ding puzzles. And even though he could only stand it for 15 minutes and then left me to do the rest on my own, it absolutely meant the world to me.
I’m thankful today that I based my relationship to my husband on the right things, because everything else, sense of humor, hobbies, interests, inside jokes, telepathy, – it all came later. But it came. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a ton of things in common, you just need to have the most important things in common.
A couple of times now Marcus has surprised me by walking in the door an hour or two earlier than I expected him. It’s literally Christmas morning. From that moment and until the second when Baby goes from being on fire with energy to uselessly sleepy, it’s family time. And it only lasts for 2-3 hours.
I hope that in a future life the world will be run by people who work from home. If only that would work!
It’s an overwhelming feeling, having a family. Because you realize (hopefully) that the only thing you want in life is to be with them. And all your major decisions are based on how to best support them. I guess I can only speak for myself though.
I definitely have other dreams too. I’d love love love to write and publish a book some day! I would absolutely love to run a family business with Marcus! And I want so bad to finish a good education. But I don’t want any of these more than I want to just spend happy days with my family. Happy blissful days in a green field, under warm blankets, out seeing the world. Does life really get any happier than that?
These pictures are from our family time last night. The grass was newly cut and the sun was out. It was amazing! And what better place to let a baby run wild than a wide open lawn? She was in heaven!
Just had to throw this one in here too. Look who’s standing up (for a few seconds) all on her own!
Good evening, everyone! I hope you’ve all had a great day and that you’re now enjoying a peaceful Sunday evening surrounded by loved ones.
Can I just talk a little bit about Sundays without getting religious about it?
At the moment I’m lying in my bed in my bright bedroom. It’s the first (wow) 15 minutes I’ve had completely to myself in a while. The window is slightly open so I can feel a soft breeze. It’s been nice and warm today, which has enticed me to show my pale winter legs in church today. The sun is not going down yet but the sky is turning orange and birds are singing their hearts out. I feel so peaceful.
Already this solitude and quietness feels rejuvenating and will probably help me be a little more patient when any second Marcus brings up a hungry Baby.
Yep, here he comes.
But those 15 minutes out of a day are what Sunday out of a week is for me. A time out.
Growing up, my parents have taught me that Sunday is a day for family. No cleaning, working, shopping or whatever. I’ve even always tried not to do homework. In honor of the time out.
And say what you may about it probably just being because I’m used to it now… but I really don’t know how I would function without a day like this. Where I can turn off my brain and forget about any and all obligations. Except for the obligation I have to my family.
And isn’t that the biggest obligation? Is it Sunday that serves the rest of the week – or is it actually the rest of the week that by letting us get through work and bills and groceries and cleaning and deadlines and events and plans actually serves Sunday? Allows us to clear one day of the week to focus on what is really most important. Our families.
I don’t know what to tell you. But for now I’m gonna close my eyes and listen to the birds for another minute. And then maybe play a game or go for a walk with my family. Or – let’s face it – I’ll probably just end up pillow-talking with my husband while I nurse our baby to sleep. But it’ll be uninterrupted family time. An seriously, it’ll make Monday mornings feel a heck of a lot easier.
So, if you’re not religious, forget about keeping the Sabbath holy – I just really love that I have one day off. To honor the time out.
Gonna share a few facts about me with you today. Like the fact that I get super awkward when I realize I need to take selfie for my blogpost about myself. That’s why I did a braid and turned it into a “see-my-hair” kind of picture instead. Sneaky sneaky…
Looking backI wish I would’ve taken dance classes as a kid. I really love dancing. I wish I would’ve learned. Think I could’ve been good – or at least felt really pretty.
I’m a bit nationality confused. When people ask me if I feel more Danish or American I never know what to say. I guess it’s kinda silly cause I haven’t lived in the States for that long, but when I’m in Denmark I definitely don’t feel that Danish. But I guess it doesn’t really matter…
‘Party’ is a magic word to me. If ever we need to do something we’re not excited about (like packing, moving or doing laundry) I try my very best to motivate Marcus by throwing in the word ‘party’. “It’ll be a cleaning party!”. If it can be done with loud music and snacks – it can be fun! I haven’t quite yet convinced Marcus of this truth.
My family are my best friends. For a long time I’ve felt a little embarrassed about this fact but I’ve learned to be proud of it. I love and cherish spending time with my friends too (Love you guys! I do!) but my family is just something else. They’re just the most wonderful and fun people I know!
I have not yet discovered my love for cooking. I know it’s there – cause I love good food – but right now I honestly don’t think it’s worth the time. Once in a while I’ll get excited about trying a new recipe I found on Pinterest but most days I’d rather just get something on the table fast so I can spend more time doing other stuff. I’m so not living up to my mom’s legacy.
Despite loving the word ‘party’ I’m not really a party person. Or I guess it depends how you define ‘party’. I’d much rather be in a smaller gathering of friends or family than run around at a big party pretending I’m having the time of my life.
I’m a mormon. Yes I am. It makes me a better person and brings me more happiness every day than anything else.
One of my biggest fears is being lazy. Or that other people think I’m lazy. For example, I really really want to be a morning person and I hate myself for finding it difficult.
I have a weird secret (secret no more) fear of old churches. As a little girl I once had a nightmare about the cathedral in Aalborg. It was dark and there were eerie Gregorian chants… I guess it just stuck. It stuck good.
One of my biggest dreams is to someday publish a book. That day will be such a good day.
Since we celebrated Christmas last year in Hawaii – meaning no snow, no cold, no gloves, no scarves, no coats, no boots, no toasty thick socks, no snuggling up with a blanket on the couch .. you get the picture – I have been looking very VERY much forward to Christmas back here at home in Scandinavia. I’ve basically been talking about it for about a year… so now that 1 December finally came we planned a family night with hot chocolate, Christmas decorations, blankets and plenty of snuggles! Baby fell asleep pretty fast though, so Marcus and I ended up chatting for most of the time.
First, let me just say that I love Christmas – I know that’s very unique right? But every year when its over I feel like I could have done more to enjoy it and I promise myself that next Christmas I will make more of an effort. So I’ve been giving that some thought for a few weeks now, and so that is what we came to talk about tonight sipping our hot chocolate. How to get the most out of Christmas this year.
And it guess it really comes down to why you celebrate Christmas. There could be many reasons for that – gifts, family, FOOD! – but for me, as for many of you I’m sure, Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Christ. Or rather, it is about celebrating Christ and the spirit that He brings.
And it made me think of the things that I think make Christmas special. For one, I can’t help but notice how people become a little happier during Christmas time. You’ll get more smiles back on the street, you’ll be more likely to see gestures of kindness, and more than anything you see many more examples of service.
Oh my goodness! That’s what it comes down to! Christmas Spirit is really one happy circle of being excited and happy, leading to feeling thankful, leading to feeling humble, leading to serving others, leading back to feeling even more happy!
(Get a load of those cheeks!!)
So to me it was quite simple. The way that we could get the most out of this month of Christmas is by enhancing and feeding that process. So for one thing we need to get happy and excited about Christmas – I’m putting up the last decorations while listening to Michael Bublé’s Christmas album tonight! We need to feel thankful and humble – it’s hard not to with that extremely cute baby lying asleep on the couch right there! And we need to try to serve others…
Now, great ways of doing that is finding a soup kitchen somewhere or making a Christmas donation… but since we’re poor young students and .. well I’m sure the soup kitchen thing would work for 45 minutes before the baby needed feeding again… I just really felt like we could be of service in smaller ways that might even make more of a difference – to others but maybe even more to ourselves. I mean the small unexpected ways that are just enough to light up someone’s day, like leaving a happy sticky note on someone’s wind shield, or smiling at everyone you pass on the street, or simply just making an effort to be happy and friendly when you’re around other people.
That way we would also reach our goal of getting the most out of our Christmas – because this would teach us to constantly be on the look-out for things we could do to serve. It would teach us to see other people through less judging and skeptical eyes. It would teach us to think happier thoughts and to stop wasting energy on gossiping and thinking angry thoughts. We would learn to just expect all people to have good intentions. Basically, it would teach us to be friendlier and happier people.
If I may be so selfish, I believe then we would be giving ourselves a better gift than any we would be giving away.
To get us in the right spirit we watched this short Youtube video.
Please, feel free to hit ‘play’ for instant Christmas spirit!
Baby and I had a few hours to ourselves tonight. Since she was happy I thought why not put on Pride and Prejudice and have our first mother-daughter movie night. It was glorious for the first half hour but then she fell asleep and so I’m seizing this rare opportunity of being alone on a quiet evening to write a blog post.
It’s incredible how enchanting the feeling is to sit here calmly, the only sounds being the ticking of the clock on the wall and my baby’s soft snores in my lap. That’s where she fell asleep during her third dinner with drop of milk stopped in its tracks on her bulging cheek. She has grown about 10cm in the last two months since she was born. I can’t believe how much she’s changed already.
Sometimes I find it hard to believe that she is just a newborn child with only two months of experience. I’ve never had an actual conversation with her and still I feel like I know her personality and to some extent even her thoughts. But when she gazes up at me with those big eyes I can’t help but sense that there’s some deeper wisdom in them, a depth that extends far beyond the time that she has been part of my life. Sometimes I even feel a little intimidated, like she is the one teaching me and overseeing my every move and not the other way around. As if she is here to teach me of things that are yet unknown to me.
I remember when she was only a few days old and we were so desperately excited that we would try for several minutes at a time to even catch her eye. But she never seemed to find us interesting enough. As if there was something else in the room that was far more worth her attention. And it made me wonder. Cause I found it hard to imagine that she could be focusing so intently on something meaningless when I, her mother, was so near. What thoughts could be passing through that inexperienced mind?
Even now when she is lying deep asleep in my lap I watch her little face closely. I see different moods flash across her face. Furrowed eyebrows with pursed lips, to the biggest most beautiful smile, to a heartbreaking trembling lower lip. What pictures is she dreaming? What memories are inspiring her subconsciousness? Is she thinking about the last time her dad pulled a funny expression or do they belong to a time previous even to the first time she first saw his face?
I have learned so much since she joined our family. Not because I’m acquiring skills relating to changing diapers and breastfeeding, but I feel that I somehow am filled with a deeper knowledge of life. Almost as if I understand myself better and even the meaning of my existence – maybe because I better understand my own priorities and goals in life. To have a happy family. There is really nothing I want more. And she teaches me that that is possible.
Hi! How are you holding up? I’d bet your feet hurt, you feel heavy and that all you can think about is how much easier life will be if you can just survive labor.
Well… Yes and no…
First of all, you WILL survive labor. Yes, it will be hard and definitely the most physically painfully traumatic experience of your life, but seriously, trust me, you will survive it. You will be completely amazed at what your body can actually do, and though it’ll hurt like heck, you will never again feel as cool.
Oh and just wait for that first meal after it’s over. Seriously, best meal of your life!
You may be constantly on your toes wondering if it’s time every time a small contraction comes, maybe even worrying what will happen if you don’t notice labor starting and you don’t make it to the hospital (who am I kidding, I know you are worrying exactly that!) but don’t worry, you will notice. And seriously just trust your body. It knows what it’s doing. Even if you may not.
As for all the baby stuff. Don’t worry about that either. By then you will know exactly what to do, even if your body won’t.
Something you do want to be thinking about is breast feeding – I know you want you. And you need to keep reminding yourself of that, because it’s not as easy as it looks in the beginning. You really need to make that decision now and stick to it!
Also, I suggest you hurry on down to the store and buy a big package of the thickest pads you can find (or send your husband- I know how he loves buying stuff like that!). You’ll need them. Big time.
Also please don’t expect to feel amazing all at once after the baby is out and you aren’t pregnant anymore. Give that a couple of weeks. In fact, just expect the first two weeks to be pretty crappy – except for having the baby, really try to enjoy all the cuteness and try to forget about everything else if you can.
And… Don’t listen to all your single friends and your newlywed friends who say it’ll be hard and that you’ll probably miss just being the two of you. You will definitely have those moments once every rare while, but all in all you will love that baby so much that to some extent you will forget that there was ever a time where she (or he) wasn’t there. You won’t sigh and look forward to the day when your last kid moves out and you can go back to being alone. You will on the other hand look forward to every single milestone your baby will go through. You will actually Google every single week what new things your baby is learning every time she (or he) turns another week or month.
So just relax… Go on a date, and buy an extra ice cream while looking fat is still okay. Life will go on after the day you give birth, and it will be a rich and exciting whole new world.
When you grow up and start looking for a husband you will be overwhelmed at how many guys there are in this world, and you may have to look for a long time before you find one. But none of this matters, because one day you will meet this young man who will sweep you off your feet as romantic music seems to play in the background. You will have the craziest butterflies in your stomach and the thought of him alone will make you feel like you’re soaring on a pink cloud of happiness. Likewise, he will be so taken with your beauty and will express this with tokens of everlasting love. He will be handsome beyond belief and he will be as if perfectly made for you. There will be no mistaking that you are meant to be.
I’m sorry girls, but that is just not how it is in the real world. It may seem that way when a happy couple tells ”their story” and it may even seem like that to you looking back after years of marriage, but it is usually not the case and is certainly not something to wait around for expectantly. The process of courtship involves hard work, sacrifice and definitely stepping out of ones comfort zone and takes a lot more than romantic coincidence. In the prospect of soon having to raise a daughter of my own I have picked out a few points that I want to make sure to teach her before she fluffs her pink pillows, takes out her notebook and leans back to watch the parade of eligible young men pass her by.
1. The Universe will not tell you who to marry I remember the many afternoons I spent as a young girl daydreaming of my one true love that someday I would go and spend the rest of my life with. It wasn’t till after I got engaged to Marcus that I really understood that had I spent more time sniffing around I probably would have met many guys that, if diligently pursued, I could have ended up with. I realized just how much power there was in my decision to give my all to my relationship with Marcus and how much it was my choices that made us end up together. We may want to wait for that perfect scene where that song is playing and he says that line and you feel that way, but chances are you’re gonna wait for a very long time.
2. Love is earned, it’s not for free There is a big difference in having a crush, falling in love and finally loving someone. The sort of feelings I described in the scenario at the beginning of this post is what I would call a crush. It has no root and is based on first impressions, lines and outward appearance. And yes, a charming face can get you far, but probably not to the commitment of marriage. Looking back, I realize that I really had to allow myself to have deeper feelings for Marcus. I needed to not be afraid of commitment and I needed to be ready for the many changes in my life that might come with said commitment. Also, I needed to not allow myself to be distracted by or overly picky with his bad habits, weird ways or other small things that might not match the perfect Prince Charming picture in my mind. I am not personally a strong believer in love at first sight, but I do know people who are and who have great loving and strong relationships. However, love at first sight is nothing to expect and not something to turn down a guy in the absence of.
3. There’s a reason it’s called ”finding” a husband and not ”noticing” a husband When Marcus and I first started dating neither of us were completely confident that it would work out between us – if anything I think I was more skeptical than he was. But I had beforehand noticed some of his qualities and goals in life… and the way he spoke about his future family caught my attention and I knew that it might be a while before I found another guy like this. So I decided to pursue this relationship 100%, give it all I had until I would be able to distinguish whether or not to potentially turn it into a marriage. What I’m saying is that choosing a husband is not just choosing a boyfriend. You need more to go by than a crush and a blush. It’s really about stepping out of your comfort zone and working your way towards the goal.
4. It takes hard work and time to become perfect for each other Like I said, I was not exactly swept off my feet when I started dating my husband. One of my top priority criteria for my future husband was that he could make me laugh my head off. To my great worry and disappointment, during our first months of dating, I felt like Marcus and I had such different senses of humor – because we didn’t know each other that well yet! I wish I could go back in time and grab my past self’s shoulders and tell myself to get a grip and that marriage would bring some of my best laugh attacks and most hilarious inside jokes. No two people mysteriously walk up to each other and instantaneously understand each other’s deepest concerns, thoughts, wishes and humor. Two best friends only become best friends after spending much time and tribulation together. Soulmates are no different.
Having said that, all morning I have received cute pink’ish messages from my husband saying things like “I just can’t wait to come home to you” and “You really are my best friend”. Marriage is awesome, but don’t expect that you can have feelings from day one that belong in a marriage or long relationship and that couples have spent months and years achieving.
My husband is not my knight in shining armor, but he has become my soulmate.