Marriage

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My husband is not my knight in shining armor – something I need to teach my daughter

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When you grow up and start looking for a husband you will be overwhelmed at how many guys there are in this world, and you may have to look for a long time before you find one. But none of this matters, because one day you will meet this young man who will sweep you off your feet as romantic music seems to play in the background. You will have the craziest butterflies in your stomach and the thought of him alone will make you feel like you’re soaring on a pink cloud of happiness. Likewise, he will be so taken with your beauty and will express this with tokens of everlasting love. He will be handsome beyond belief and he will be as if perfectly made for you. There will be no mistaking that you are meant to be.

Not!

I’m sorry girls, but that is just not how it is in the real world. It may seem that way when a happy couple tells ”their story” and it may even seem like that to you looking back after years of marriage, but it is usually not the case and is certainly not something to wait around for expectantly. The process of courtship involves hard work, sacrifice and definitely stepping out of ones comfort zone and takes a lot more than romantic coincidence. In the prospect of soon having to raise a daughter of my own I have picked out a few points that I want to make sure to teach her before she fluffs her pink pillows, takes out her notebook and leans back to watch the parade of eligible young men pass her by.

1. The Universe will not tell you who to marry
I remember the many afternoons I spent as a young girl daydreaming of my one true love that someday I would go and spend the rest of my life with. It wasn’t till after I got engaged to Marcus that I really understood that had I spent more time sniffing around I probably would have met many guys that, if diligently pursued, I could have ended up with. I realized just how much power there was in my decision to give my all to my relationship with Marcus and how much it was my choices that made us end up together. 
We may want to wait for that perfect scene where that song is playing and he says that line and you feel that way, but chances are you’re gonna wait for a very long time. 

2. Love is earned, it’s not for free
There is a big difference in having a crush, falling in love and finally loving someone. The sort of feelings I described in the scenario at the beginning of this post is what I would call a crush. It has no root and is based on first impressions, lines and outward appearance. And yes, a charming face can get you far, but probably not to the commitment of marriage. Looking back, I realize that I really had to allow myself to have deeper feelings for Marcus. I needed to not be afraid of commitment and I needed to be ready for the many changes in my life that might come with said commitment. Also, I needed to not allow myself to be distracted by or overly picky with his bad habits, weird ways or other small things that might not match the perfect Prince Charming picture in my mind. 
I am not personally a strong believer in love at first sight, but I do know people who are and who have great loving and strong relationships. However, love at first sight is nothing to expect and not something to turn down a guy in the absence of. IMG_2943

3. There’s a reason it’s called ”finding” a husband and not ”noticing” a husband
When Marcus and I first started dating neither of us were completely confident that it would work out between us – if anything I think I was more skeptical than he was. But I had beforehand noticed some of his qualities and goals in life… and the way he spoke about his future family caught my attention and I knew that it might be a while before I found another guy like this. So I decided to pursue this relationship 100%, give it all I had until I would be able to distinguish whether or not to potentially turn it into a marriage.
What I’m saying is that choosing a husband is not just choosing a boyfriend. You need more to go by than a crush and a blush. It’s really about stepping out of your comfort zone and working your way towards the goal. 

4. It takes hard work and time to become perfect for each other
Like I said, I was not exactly swept off my feet when I started dating my husband. One of my top priority criteria for my future husband was that he could make me laugh my head off. To my great worry and disappointment, during our first months of dating, I felt like Marcus and I had such different senses of humor – because we didn’t know each other that well yet! I wish I could go back in time and grab my past self’s shoulders and tell myself to get a grip and that marriage would bring some of my best laugh attacks and most hilarious inside jokes. 
No two people mysteriously walk up to each other and instantaneously understand each other’s deepest concerns, thoughts, wishes and humor. Two best friends only become best friends after spending much time and tribulation together. Soulmates are no different. 

Having said that, all morning I have received cute pink’ish messages from my husband saying things like “I just can’t wait to come home to you” and “You really are my best friend”. Marriage is awesome, but don’t expect that you can have feelings from day one that belong in a marriage or long relationship and that couples have spent months and years achieving.

My husband is not my knight in shining armor, but he has become my soulmate.

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What anyone who wants to get married should know

IMG_8246.jpg.jpgYHI had the pleasure of starting my day today by reading an inspiring blog post by a man who at the time had just gone through with his divorce and was now sharing a list of 20 things he wished he would have done in his marriage to keep it alive.

He ends his post by expressing his utmost regret that his list of advice were all things that he learned too late. That he should have known this at the beginning of their marriage instead of at the end.

Marcus and I celebrated our first anniversary this last Sunday. (more…)

Catching up on the pregnancy

fetus13So I dropped the bomb two days ago that I’m pregnant. I’m currently 13 weeks or 3 months, at the very end of the first trimester. Baby is about 2.9 inches or 7,5 cm and weighs about .81 oz or 23 g – supposedly the size of a peach. Though she’s (don’t freak, don’t know the gender yet, but I’ll be calling the baby ‘he’ or ‘she’ simply cause I feel weird saying ‘it’) still fairly small my belly has gone from simply being bloated and uhm.. poofy? to being solidly curvy below the belly button. Don’t know how else to explain it. So it’s probably not completely visible yet, but definitely not casually flat either. Truth be told, my pants feel really tight and I prefer to flatteringly unbotton them whenever – possibly – possible.

Pregnancy so far has been exciting but rough. The night back in early January (more…)

Moving party!

photo (25).jpgYHIt has been a wild weekend full of packing, cleaning, driving, unpacking, car breaking down, laundering, shopping (a LOT), sorting, clogged toilet, little sleep and actually catching a cold.

If you ask me (and I suspect I got this from my mother) if you put ‘party’ behind any task, it becomes FUN! That means a ‘moving party’ will involve loud music, snacks, dancing and laughing! Despite my many attempts to brainwash Marcus with my theory, moving this weekend was not exactly a party. (more…)

Wasn’t ready to simply be a wife

IMG_1458.jpgYHBoy! Is being a wife a different role than being a daughter! Cleaning, cooking, mending, paying bills. You’re co-responsible for a household.  Apart from that, you’re also responsible for upholding, supporting and taking care of your husband. This means you’re no longer just taking care of yourself but you need to watch your words, thoughts and mood for someone else. You are a team.

Just a year and a half ago I sat down and had a thinker. Meaning I had a serious talk with myself. And I realized how far I was from being ready to take the leap. To leave the nest. To build my own nest. I had so much more to learn before I could start fending for someone other than myself. (more…)

My parents know

picture (6).jpgYHI’ve never known my parents as well as I do now. I don’t think I’ve thought “what would my parents do?” as often EVER as I do now. But maybe every new chapter of my life is gonna feels this way. You face unfamiliar challenges and you realize these are tricks your parents learned decades ago. Then you feel stupid. Stupid that you had your entire childhood to learn from them and watch them and ask every single necessary question along the way. But now you’re out. Out of their house, country and continent and your next visit is so far into the future that you haven’t even bothered to schedule it yet. Now I’m left to myself. (more…)

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Lives changing dreams changing lives

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It’s an interesting time of your life, being a newlywed. You go from being single, the room of your future seems huge and hollow with white walls, floor and ceiling. Colorless. You have no idea what kind of images will be put on those white walls. Will they be white? Will the room always feel this hollow or will it be filled with voices of loved ones you haven’t even met yet?

Then you get married. And all of a sudden the room starts to take shape and gets faded shades of color here and there. (more…)

Too real for glam

photo 2 (1).jpgYHWhen I was little I said I wanted to be a blogger. I didn’t. I said I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to write the next Harry Potter. That didn’t happen though – well not yet anyway. But now the journey has started like this. Blogging. I think I prefer it! What better than to tell the story of my own life – as I’m living it!  (more…)