But today I got to slow down time a little. Just enough to be able to hear my own thoughts again and for just long enough to catch my breath and recharge.
Baby Girl and I went for a walk. A good long walk, because I’m back to exercising. At least as much as my body permits right now. In other words, the 5.5km walk today was pushing it, but it felt good. I figured I’d take Baby with me, to give Dad some alone time and also because I’ve noticed Baby strongly prefers the stroller over the car seat.
I really love walks. Especially the longer ones. Even if you don’t have anything major to think about it still does the trick. It feels like quality time with yourself – like old friends getting the chance to catch up. And I really needed to catch up.
It gave me the time to really zoom out and reflect on my life. It’s changed a bit since I really looked at it last. I’m a mom. I survived labor and I have a little person who entirely depends on me to stay alive and to stay happy. That’s huge. That changes you. And you realize that all of the sudden the future became the present. All those things I’ve been thinking about, hoping for and planning are now accurate. And yet I still didn’t get very much older. I feel like I was juggling and someone just tossed me another three balls. And someway somehow I’m still juggling. So now what?
Well, I realized that, well, this is life. A long line of challenges that keep getting tossed in our direction. And our goal is to manage to keep juggling. My little baby daughter just came into this world. She thinks the hardest things in life are feeling hungry, feeling tired and feeling physically alone. To me, those things are not much to cry about. I’ve found out how to get food when I’m hungry and how to go to sleep when I’m tired and I’ve found out that I’m not alone just because I can’t see, hear or feel my mom. In my life, the hardest parts are having a tiny time consuming baby and keeping my home clean and getting anything done at the same time. To my mom, that’s peanuts. She has even learned how to have a tiny time consuming baby at the same time as having four other kids, putting dinner on the table in a squeaky clean home. And so on and so forth. Until you’re a pro at juggling! I guess?
If that will ever happen. Is there such a thing as a pro juggler? or are we stuck on an endless path of jumping through taller and taller hoops? And is that necessarily a bad thing? I think I know the answer.
There’s not much to do about it… but what I guess I can do is try to have that eternal perspective on my challenges. And by that I mean realizing that it could be a lot worse and that some day I’ll be able to overcome this and many bigger challenges.
And those were thoughts I just really needed to have go through my head to allow myself to get a little ahead.
I really love walks.