Today, I became a Mother

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photo 2 (2)YHI had a dream last night. I usually dream a lot so I can’t quite tell if the pregnancy is making a difference or not. But I dreamed that the baby was here. A little baby with dark brown hair.

Not much happened. It was the day after giving birth and we were sitting at home in a couch. I took the baby from Marcus and started nursing. That’s it. Then I woke up. And my life was changed. I had gone to bed a young wife with a bulging belly and woke up a mother. All of a sudden, I felt it. I felt that excitement that I had that I had the countless nights lying awake dreaming of the day I would be pregnant. More than anything, I felt a connection to the child growing inside me. Something I had been hoping to feel for a while. For the first time, I felt like a mother.

And it changed everything. No longer was pregnancy a burden. No longer did I think I could stand a potential miscarriage. No longer did I feel huge and sick. I felt beautiful. I felt like myself again. And I actually felt more full of love. That especially feels amazing.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, now, I feel ready. Ready to receive a child and to take full responsibility, not only for protecting and caring for it, but for raising it and teaching it the way to a happy life. I don’t have a lot of experience and I have a lot to learn, but now I am prepared. ┬áBecause I feel love for my child. I believe that’s all I need. And with that I have faith that somewhere along the way I’ll figure out the rest.

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