32 weeks pregnant

photo (4),I had another ultrasound this week! Sorry folks, no pictures this time, but she looked so good! The doctor let me see her heart, lungs, kidneys, skull, major bones etc.. and everything looked intact and exactly like it should. Again, I’m addicted to doctors telling me that my baby is okay!

Also, she is a little small – not too small – but just a little to the cute side. This of course made Mama happy, as that means she might not have to provide as big an exit for baby in a couple of months. Yes, when it really hurts I’ll just keep telling myself that. “She could’ve been bigger! She could’ve been bigger!” … that’ll help for sure!

The doc was even kind enough to let me see her little face in 3D real quick. So I can now testify that she does not have the gigantuous lips and beaky nose she sort of seems to have on the sonogram I put up at week 21. She has the cutest little face – looked a little grumpy though, but I can’t blame her. I wouldn’t be too happy being squashed up between hips and ribs in dark water. Hang in there baby!

As for Mama I’m doing good too. This week I think I’ve come one tiny step closer to understanding that I’ll have a baby pretty soon. If she comes early it may even just be a month?! And I could not be more excited!!

Contractions! You don’t scare me! …. In the mean time, pass the ice chips and the fan, please!

Denmark – idyllic even to a dane

photo (5)Being a dane abroad you get to meet a lot of people. And somehow you always seem to run into people who get excited when you tell them you’re from Denmark.

There’s the ones (the vast majority) that exclaim “Denmark?? No way!! That’s where my ancestors are from! Yes! My family is Danish! We have abelskeevers all the time!” – Cute. And hey! Good pronunciation!

Then there’s the next to largest group that immediately say “Oh Denmark is amazing! It’s so cute with the tulips and the wind mills!” – Bless them. Not much to say to that. … Then they turn to Marcus and say “Sweden looks beautiful too! I’ve always wanted to see the Alps!”

Then there’s the smallest group that seem so hard to find that you actually get as excited about them as they are about you. These are the people who have actually been to Denmark or at least have their facts straight. They may know about Hans Christian Andersen and his stories. They may know about Danish history and may express a desire to visit our medieval castles. They may comment on the Danish nature and even call it “idyllic” and “just like a fairytale”.

Well I’ve never given much thought to the fairytale part myself, but now that I’ve lived abroad for a year and have experienced coming back here.. I have to say Denmark has never seemed as idyllic or fairytalish to me as it does now.

I have taken the liberty to note down a few things that have really stood out to me.

Singing birds

So in Hawaii there were a lot of birds. A lot. And big too. My parents would often ask when we were Skyping whether we’d gotten a bird, because they could hear the big tropical birds just outside our window. So it’s not like we didn’t wake up to choirs of tweeting every morning this past year. But boy, when I came home. And I had to get up every two hours to go to the bathroom and opened my window to cool down the room… there is just nothing like the way birds sing at 4am here. Talk about the most peaceful happy sound you every heard! Like you’re right there walking through the forest with your favorite Disney princess.

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Fresh air

After 8 months in humid Hawaii and 2 months in dry dry Utah, the very first thought that came to my mind when I stepped out of the airport in Copenhagen was how it felt like I was breathing fresh air for the first time in almost a year. I don’t know what it is… maybe the fresh ocean breeze that you can’t escape anywhere in the country… or maybe a perfect balance of humidity.. or maybe just because this is where I grew up. I don’t know, but it is really quite amazing!

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Green

I’ve noticed how a lot of tourists in Denmark comment on how incredibly green it is here. My mom still talks about how beautiful she thinks Denmark is because of this. Growing up I always thought that just made Denmark boring, but after – yes, even after – living in beautiful lush paradise Hawaii I must admit that Denmark is quite beautiful. I can’t quite describe it, but it’s almost as if Hawaii was a wild kind of green and Denmark is more like the King’s gardens compared. And then enjoying it while breathing that fresh fresh air and listening to the birds in the background….!  Mmm!

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Food

Yes, I must bring this up as my last point. I’m sorry folks but Danish food is really the stuff. Oh and especially after being in the states! I thought it would be like Food Heaven in the US – but turned out I hadn’t tried living there yet. No matter what you say – no restaurant meal beats a homemade one made from scratch. It just doesn’t. High-five to Europe!

When people asked me as a kid whether I felt more Danish or American, I would usually answer American. In truth certain elements of the Danish culture do make me feel more American. I always expected and imagined I would get married and move away from here forever and not look back – and I was fine with that. But turns out I just missed being around reserved rough traditional danes that could never dream of uttering the word “whoop”. I have to say I am very surprised that I reacted this way as soon as I was gone.

I guess I love Denmark

 

31 weeks pregnant

o-maticTime is almost up.

Well.. not quite but I really feel almost done. I keep dreaming about going into labor and the baby feels as real as ever. In my head she could be coming in just a few weeks.

Intuition? I hope not, cause I’ve planned a three week vacation in Stockholm.

I’ve had a few really busy weeks with not much time reserved for blogging, but by next week I should be back on track.

Lately anything tires me out – even sitting up – and I have to go lie down somewhere for a bit.  Also, I have officially started waddling. I constantly feel off balance and though I try hard not to, I find myself leaning backwards to even out the weight on my front side. I feel pretty big and clumsy but I try to imagine that I just look cute. … Right?

I’ve always romanticized pregnancy growing up and have always found it hard to believe when women reached that point when they “just want the baby out!”. Like, why end the idyllic experience of being beautifully pregnant early? But I have to admit that I’m starting to get there. I’m getting more and more excited about starting to exercise and to get back into shape. Oh just being able to run around and be active without feeling like I’m about to pass out. Being able to move however I want whenever I want. And when my body is back to normal, being just mine. When I can trust it to act the way it usually does and when I can take a real proper deep breath and when i can go to bed not having to worry about falling asleep fast enough so I won’t get hungry again. I can also imagine how it might feel a little lonely when there isn’t someone to nudge you whenever you move or someone always around to listen to your voice.

But wearing the baby on the outside instead of the inside sure sounds appealing. I just can’t wait!

The most frequent question I get asked these days is “How do you feel about giving birth?” or “Are you nervous about labor?” closely followed by a long speech about how there’s no need to worry and that it’s just a wonderful experience.

But people, in all honesty, I am not nervous at all. On the contrary I am out of my mind excited to get on with it! For one thing I see no reason to waste my energy being worried about something that women have been going through forever. Even if something goes wrong I’ll worry about that when I know about it. On the other hand, I can’t describe in words how excited I am to meet my baby. I definitely have times when I wonder if I’ll look back in longing on the time that it was just me and Marcus with no one to take care of. But I also feel like it’s so right for us. That as soon as she’s in my arms I will want nothing but to love and take care of her.

And I can’t really imagine a better feeling than that.

30 weeks pregnant

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30 weeks! I reached the 30s! 10 weeks left! Woohoo and yay!

Anyway.. do you know that feeling when you suddenly feel like you have absolutely nothing to say? That’s how I feel right now… not even anything to ramble about.

Why do I write the blog post now, you may ask. Well, the thing is I’ve been insanely busy this week and will be this weekend too, so I’m cornered – in this tiny space of time between Friday and Saturday.

So I have no idea what’s gonna come out. — Brace yourselves!

 

Oh I actually just remembered one thing I forgot to put in the cloud this week.

Contractions!

Already now! Had no idea this was gonna happen and that it is perfectly normal and expected. They’re not worse than normal period pain, but they definitely make me wake up. I guess, it’s kinda cool to get to sample what the real contractions are gonna feel like – however in a milder form.

I’m gonna try doing a little experiment. The other day I had a conversation with my mom about the difference between pressure and pain. My mom is pretty cool when it comes to pain. She grits her teeth and screams on the inside – not the outside. She’s pretty cool. But I figure that one way to keep your head during labor might be just that. Understanding that your body is under pressure and not pain. To not give in to the insanity your body is experiencing – not let the agony take over your mind. But to understand the feelings in your body and work with them instead.

I don’t know.. those of you who have gone through child birth already may be shaking your heads at me right now..

But I thought I’d share the thought.

In any case I figure pressure is better than pain.

I keep noticing more stretch marks below the belt, especially on my thighs – but nothing on my tummy yet – thank goodness! Probably won’t keep that up though.

I can tell that my body needs a lot more rest than before. I still try to exercise a little every day, but it’s definitely getting harder and I can’t go on for as long anymore before I get extremely dizzy and my legs start buckling. I still try to only eat when I’m hungry (which is still most of the time btw) and to avoid the urge of going back to the fridge to just have a little something, now that I’m more routined in the only eating small frequent meals -thing.

Oh and I’ve started to sleep a lot better too! But this may be due to the fact that I wake up in the middle of every night to talk to Marcus when he gets off work. Tired. All. The. Time.

Well look at that! Looks like I had something to say anyway!

Well, Baby seems to be doing great. At least she’s kicking and moving around a LOT. Sometimes so much I’m afraid I’ll get sea sick.

Hoping I’ll get to experience baby hiccups soon!

29 weeks pregnant

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This pregnancy is going by so fast!

I know I’ve said it before but this week, again, I feel like I feel REALLY pregnant for the first time. As in table-top belly, comfortable shoes, huffing and puffing to get out of chairs, “I’m gonna go lie down and rest for a bit”, belly-button visible through every top (yes, it happened), sitting like a man -kind of pregnant.

Also had an appointment with my midwife this week. Seriously, I feel addicted to hearing doctors telling me that everything sounds and looks like it’s supposed to. Makes me want to cry every time!

I really can’t hide it anymore. Sometimes I almost feel a little like Harry Potter. — you now, people look at my belly before they look at my face.. And I really can’t get used to all the spontaneous belly patting from people. Is there some unspoken rule that it’s okay to trespass on someone’s personal space and touch their body instead of the usual shaking their hand just because they’re pregnant?

I’m confused.

- but a little intrigued by the thought that maybe that allows me to touch everyone else’s tummy back!

Oh my goodness, Baby is growing fast! And she’s moving around A LOT! No one told me I would be able to actually feel her body under my skin! On Tuesday my midwife felt my tummy and was able to tell me where her butt, legs and head were. Ever since then I’ve made it my personal mission to learn to be as cool as her. But it’s proving a bit difficult. So if you ever see me massaging my belly with my tongue sticking out and a concentrated look on my face, it’s just because I’m trying to figure out if that lump is a butt or a face. – Sorry Baby!

I have decided to define the way I feel as being of no age. I feel like an old person all the time, having to wear comfy shoes so my feet don’t get too pressured and having to sit down all the time. And even if I sit down for too long my back will start hurting as much as if I had stayed on my feet. Ergo, I actually have to go lie down and rest every day. Guess I shouldn’t sound so surprised.

Also, I feel like a little child, restless and buzzing with this unexpected energy that pops up whenever I remain seated for too long, urging me to get up and walk around, pick up my phone, may as well go pee, wasn’t my tummy itching earlier? maybe I could do that with my hands. – definitely makes it complicated to fall asleep sometimes.

But then when I sleep.. I SLEEP! And it seems there’s no point to where I could sleep and actually wake up energized. I could go back to bed anytime.

I know I talk a lot about stuff like this, but all in all I feel like this pregnancy is really going a lot easier than I expected. Apart from my introductory two months of morning sickness I’ve felt pretty great.

Hope I didn’t just jinx it!

Anywho! That was the blabbering for this week. Can’t believe there’s only 10 weeks left! – hopefully less!

28 weeks pregnant

 

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Third trimester!!

What the…! It’s almost over! It seems I’ll have a baby before I know it.

A baby!

For me! My own… it is so surreal.

And I’m back in Denmark – in this case, meaning that I can get any food I feel like! The thing is it’s been a little bit of a let down. After my experience with ice and amazing smells, I thought Danish pastries might trigger the same kind of craving. But no. Don’t get me wrong, they were of course amazing, but not to die for.

However, other things have started to pop up. Very unexpected things. Things that aren’t food nor smells. Like vacuuming… the other night my mom took out the vacuum cleaner to go on a regular spider hunt around the house – on my little sister’s request. (Spiders don’t get crazy big in Denmark or anything… well, unless you don’t catch them when they’re small) And, well… she turned it on and instantly I was smitten. I don’t know why… I remember growing up I’ve always loved that warm smell the fan blew out of the top. Maybe that’s it? Or it’s the feeling I get when I see a floor getting cleaner instantly. Because lately I’ve also gotten the same feeling when I brush my teeth. When I scrub them clean. Scrub by scrub. Until they are all nice and good smelling.

I don’t know! Just know that I have a crazy urge to vacuum.

Ooh! Maybe vacuuming my parent’s new car (awesome smell!) would be fun!

Seriously, the way I react to smells around me now and the way they make me feel, makes me want to never stop being pregnant.

… I hope I’ll learn to love my baby as much.

On the more negative side I’m also experiencing heartburn for real now. I’ve had it before, but not enough to complain about or even consider a symptom. But this last week has sucked because of it. I only get i for about an hour or two at a time, but it’s gross when all your food and drinks seem to taste the same. Like acid.

Baby is certainly starting to draw a lot of attention to herself. She feels so big/strong now that it seems that instead of just kicking or punching she’ll annoyingly give long outward pushes. Just push and push until I finally push back. Huh, maybe she’s waiting for a high-five?

Goodbye Salt Lake, seat bumps and leaving my husband

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It was time to take the next trip on the Krylborn Journey of Life. But this time we weren’t taking it together.

Leaving Marcus in Salt Lake wasn’t easy – I talked about my crying craziness just last week – But we decided months ago that it was the best thing to do. I cried a good deal the days leading up to my departure, but not quite enough to ensure that I didn’t break down the morning we left. I wonder if I could have prevented that at all. Probably not. It’s definitely a big help that I’ll be with my family in the meantime, but it just makes it worse to know that he won’t have anyone there with him. Though it’s all a really hard situation, I can’t help but be a little fascinated by the fact that I care about him so much that I worry more about his dealing with it all than my own. It’s really amazing that you can come to really love someone that much in such short time.

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My “we’re leaving the apartment” -selfie sent to Marcus who was at work at the time. – Yes, I know what I’m doing. And no, I’m not a huge fan of selfies.

Anyway, again, fortunately, (too many adverbials) my mom was there too to fly home with me. Thank goodness! I can’t imagine what that trip would have been if she hadn’t. And the luck we had! According to our boarding passes it didn’t look like we were seated next to each other on two of our three flights. The one, of course, being our last and shortest flight of only an hour. The kind lady at check-in said there was nothing she could do, so we decided to try our luck asking some of our fellow passengers to swap seats with us.

But when we got on our first flight we were surprised to see that we had been seated next to each other after all! (one of those flights for more intellectual people where seats D and F are actually next to each other) aaand that we were seated in the front row of economy – here meaning that we had all the leg space we could ever dream of!

Our layover in Chicago was only half an hour and was pretty stressful but when we got to the gate we were informed that our seats had been reassigned. She gave us new boarding passes and to our astonishment found that we had been bumped to business class. Oh my goodness! Is it anyone’s dream to get that bump on an overseas flight to Europe (when you’re pregnant and just said goodbye to your husband), or what? We managed to contain ourselves (almost) so the rest of the fancy people wouldn’t know that we weren’t actually part of their gang. I think they may have gotten suspicious with time as it seemed we were the only ones snapping pictures of our food and high-fiving every time we found more “free stuff” stowed at our seats. And as my mom correctly recognized, “this is the only long flight I’ve been on where I’ve heard laughter, there is happiness on this side of the curtain”.

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Me looking all fancy-like with my “welcome aboard” drink that was offered to pass time while waiting for take-off. Pretty nifty!

20140617_143050You could basically adjust those seats to any crazy position imaginable.

20140617_155436My appetizer an hour into the flight. And yes, in the background is my own very own tablet with many many movies and shows to keep me entertained.

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Breaking all the rules and wearing compression socks in Crocs sandals. Don’t judge me – are YOU pregnant?? Realizing that I for sure didn’t fool anyone on that flight.

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Before we knew it we were back in Denmark. It only took me an hour or two before I’d made my mom take me to a bakery to pick up some real danish food.

Folks, I’m home!

 

27 weeks pregnant

jklähLast week of second trimester! Whaddup! Okay, can we talk about crying this week? I believe I’ve mentioned it before but I realize it has not been mentioned enough to match just how big a part it has played in my pregnancy. Especially lately.

First of all, I’m not sad. And I’m not stressed or under any pressure, so I really shouldn’t have a reason to cry. But I do. And it comes just as naturally and frequently as if it were a simple natural need. Like my body just has more to get out of its system than usual. It usually happens about once a week. I feel it coming. Usually I have a day of more hormonal activity. I get frustrated or irritated, until my mood makes me feel so bad about myself and sorry that I have been frustrated with Marcus that I just break down in tears.

Either that, or at times I have also been pushed to tears by utter exhaustion – usually from walking very far. That happened just yesterday when we went power shopping in Park City. ‘Power shopping’ is not the right word.. but we walked around for hours! In the end I just collapsed mentally and couldn’t keep it up any longer. I sat and cried in the car for half an hour before we could get on with our lives.

But again, I’m really not sad. It just needs to come out. It scared Marcus pretty bad in the beginning, because he thought it was his fault. After a few times we made a deal that I would tell him as soon as I could whether I was sad about something or if it was just hormones. And the last few months that has really been necessary.  Because lately I don’t just cry… but I really bawl (in Marcus’ words:) “like you just found out that your entire family had been killed”. It gets pretty bad. And it goes on for up to an hour sometimes. Yes, I’ve turned into a pretty scary person.

But Marcus has been such a good sport. After getting used to the fact that I just need it out and that it can be neither stopped or rushed, he has fallen into the perfect rhythm of comforting and just holding me till it’s over. And really that’s all I need. I’m only just starting to realize all the grief I’ve put him through, being constantly sick and inconsolable for months, and now this. He still surprises me every day with just how good he is at being a husband. I can only trust that he is going to be an equally amazing father.

Apart from Mommy having to cry for two hormonal girls, Baby is doing good. She has been awfully energetic lately – or maybe she’s just getting bigger and stronger. Sometimes it feels like she both kicks both her legs and punches with both hands on my insides at the same time, which only sparks my imagination even more that she’s feeling claustrophobic and wants to get out. Hang in there, Baby!

She’s supposed to be the size of a .. rutabaga – what the heck is…? and about 35 cm. She weighs about 1100 g now! I’m literally carrying more than a liter of milk around on my belly all day. Huh! Bring on the third trimester! We’ll cry about it but we’re ready!

Around here lately

It is late afternoon. Just got back from my walk of the day and I’m now enjoying the warm summer breeze coming through the window, sitting right here, with my feet up, in my spot. My spot.

This is my spot.

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This is where it happens. All my blogging the last few weeks and just about everything else I do. This is my pregnancy nest. Feet up and two pillows to support my back. Usually there’ll be a cup of ice, a new shoe or a handy little snack sitting on the back of the couch. I’ll do pretty much anything here. Eat, read books, fold clothes, run my blog, ignore that I have to pee again.. you get the idea.

Lately, I’ve gotten the question a lot, “what do you do all day?”. I always feel like the explanation would take much longer than the questioner maybe intended my answer to be. So I figured that was a good sign that I should share more of that kind of stuff on here.

So what DO I do all day? Well… I try to keep myself busy. Because it passes time, and to me it’s such a sickening and demotivating feeling to go to bed and feel like I’ve done absolutely zilch today. But mostly, I try to keep busy… so I can stay awake all day. Oh, dilemma of the week! You know those nights when you crawl into bed and snuggle up for the night, but for some reason you just feel restless. All of a sudden you feel like you have all this energy, so much that you have a really hard time lying still – and it is therefore completely impossible to fall asleep. Yes?

Well lately that has been every single night for me. I’m starting to think it may have something to do with my being pregnant. But why? Are hormones making me feel this way? Cause honestly it’s gonna have to take more than a big belly to keep me from sleeping through the night. And yes, sometimes I do wake up and baby is shamelessly kicking me in the gut like she owns the place, but that is not every night. Explanations anyone? Mystery unresolved.

So anyway… the only way I’ve found to (almost) ensure a good night’s sleep is getting up with Marcus at 5.30 and staying awake till bed time. And for the first few days it’s easy enough! My early morning responsibilities are making my hub breakfast, which usually consists of a green smoothie and oatmeal with blueberries, and then packing his lunch, another smoothie, a sandwich and baby carrots. So by the time all that is fixed I feel pretty alert and awake. Or fresh as a fish, as you might say in my home country…. ….

But when I hit day 3 of this procedure I’m dead. Like red eyed dead.

And then I nap. And the cycle starts over.

Third trimester already seems a hoot!

So you understand that I need to busy myself with something. Usually when I hit that desperate time of day, when all I want to do is close my eyes for juuuust a second, I go for a walk. To Temple Square. Here is proof.

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But it’s starting to get reeeaally hot here in Salt Lake. And Almost-Mommy here already has a hard time walking very far without the sweltering heat knocking her out. So I bring ice! Oh I’m gonna miss having an ice machine sooo bad! I seriously can get Christmas-level excited about walking down our hallway (that also smells AMAZING, I must say!) down two flights of stairs (still smells AMAZING!) and down to our ice machine where clean cups and as much ice as I have ever ever wanted are at my disposal. And there is also never anyone down there to watch my little mischievous act – which for some reason makes the entire experience all the more pleasurable.

Seriously.. just made myself want to go get more ice.

Be right back.

So when I’ve got my ice I go for my walk. It has over time become “my walk” because I walk the same route every time. Past the Reflection Pool, South Visitors Center, Assembly Hall, Tabernacle, North Visitors Center, Conference Center… and home. Sometimes I’ll stop to take pictures, read or watch tourists. And smell the flowers of course.  Why, of course!

And then comes the best part. When my man comes home from work. And he is so happy! And so tired. He works so many hours every day but still he manages to be so excited about what he does. I treasure this so much because I can’t take for granted that he’s always gonna come home from work happy. I just count my lucky stars that God created me a woman and thereby granting me the odds of not having to be the main provider for my family. Can I just say once again what an amazing husband I, for some reason, am lucky enough to have.

Well, that’s my day, folks! In case you were one of the many people who have asked me and have gotten a far from satisfying or justifying answer, there you have it. It’s not much, but I must say I’m pretty content.

 

My husband is not my knight in shining armor – something I need to teach my daughter

 

IMG_1294.jpgYHWhen you grow up and start looking for a husband you will be overwhelmed at how many guys there are in this world, and you may have to look for a long time before you find one. But none of this matters, because one day you will meet this young man who will sweep you off your feet as romantic music seems to play in the background. You will have the craziest butterflies in your stomach and the thought of him alone will make you feel like you’re soaring on a pink cloud of happiness. Likewise, he will be so taken with your beauty and will express this with tokens of everlasting love. He will be handsome beyond belief and he will be as if perfectly made for you. There will be no mistaking that you are meant to be.

Not!

I’m sorry girls, but that is just not how it is in the real world. It may seem that way when a happy couple tells ”their story” and it may even seem like that to you looking back after years of marriage, but it is usually not the case and is certainly not something to wait around for expectantly. The process of courtship involves hard work, sacrifice and definitely stepping out of ones comfort zone and takes a lot more than romantic coincidence. In the prospect of soon having to raise a daughter of my own I have picked out a few points that I want to make sure to teach her before she fluffs her pink pillows, takes out her notebook and leans back to watch the parade of eligible young men pass her by.

1. The Universe will not tell you who to marry
I remember the many afternoons I spent as a young girl daydreaming of my one true love that someday I would go and spend the rest of my life with. It wasn’t till after I got engaged to Marcus that I really understood that had I spent more time sniffing around I probably would have met many guys that, if diligently pursued, I could have ended up with. I realized just how much power there was in my decision to give my all to my relationship with Marcus and how much it was my choices that made us end up together. 
We may want to wait for that perfect scene where that song is playing and he says that line and you feel that way, but chances are you’re gonna wait for a very long time. 

2. Love is earned, it’s not for free
There is a big difference in having a crush, falling in love and finally loving someone. The sort of feelings I described in the scenario at the beginning of this post is what I would call a crush. It has no root and is based on first impressions, lines and outward appearance. And yes, a charming face can get you far, but probably not to the commitment of marriage. Looking back, I realize that I really had to allow myself to have deeper feelings for Marcus. I needed to not be afraid of commitment and I needed to be ready for the many changes in my life that might come with said commitment. Also, I needed to not allow myself to be distracted by or overly picky with his bad habits, weird ways or other small things that might not match the perfect Prince Charming picture in my mind. 
I am not personally a strong believer in love at first sight, but I do know people who are and who have great loving and strong relationships. However, love at first sight is nothing to expect and not something to turn down a guy in the absence of. IMG_2943

3. There’s a reason it’s called ”finding” a husband and not ”noticing” a husband
When Marcus and I first started dating neither of us were completely confident that it would work out between us – if anything I think I was more skeptical than he was. But I had beforehand noticed some of his qualities and goals in life… and the way he spoke about his future family caught my attention and I knew that it might be a while before I found another guy like this. So I decided to pursue this relationship 100%, give it all I had until I would be able to distinguish whether or not to potentially turn it into a marriage.
What I’m saying is that choosing a husband is not just choosing a boyfriend. You need more to go by than a crush and a blush. It’s really about stepping out of your comfort zone and working your way towards the goal. 

4. It takes hard work and time to become perfect for each other
Like I said, I was not exactly swept off my feet when I started dating my husband. One of my top priority criteria for my future husband was that he could make me laugh my head off. To my great worry and disappointment, during our first months of dating, I felt like Marcus and I had such different senses of humor – because we didn’t know each other that well yet! I wish I could go back in time and grab my past self’s shoulders and tell myself to get a grip and that marriage would bring some of my best laugh attacks and most hilarious inside jokes. 
No two people mysteriously walk up to each other and instantaneously understand each other’s deepest concerns, thoughts, wishes and humor. Two best friends only become best friends after spending much time and tribulation together. Soulmates are no different. 

Having said that, all morning I have received cute pink’ish messages from my husband saying things like “I just can’t wait to come home to you” and “You really are my best friend”. Marriage is awesome, but don’t expect that you can have feelings from day one that belong in a marriage or long relationship and that couples have spent months and years achieving.

My husband is not my knight in shining armor, but he has become my soulmate.

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